Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Looked at the moon lately? There's been a lot of buzz about it.  As I understand it, the larger it appears, the closer to the earth it is.  It's been at its fullest over the past few days.  Reach-out-and-touch-it close.  Breathtaking.  Overwhelming.  A moon that lovers, coyotes, and werewolves everywhere can appreciate.  Even the non-lunar enthusiasts have to stop and take notice.  It is simply too awe-inspiring to miss.

I am fully convinced my heart is like that.  Waxing and waning.  Sometimes full to overflowing, sometimes a little empty.  On mornings like this, when I wake up out of the blue; with so much on my mind and heart that I can't find sleep, that its at its fullest. Full of thoughts, memories, hopes and fears.  Reflecting the times when I'm deep in quiet introspection, other times when I am distracted with all the noise that consumes my world.

Occasionally its hard to shut it all down...quiet all the chaos and let my heart and my mind rest.  That may be the reason I was so restless through the night.  Life flies by so quickly, so full of activity; and I want a piece of it all.  Often all I get is a quick glimpse.  It is hard to take it all in.  So much... and so little time.

My sweet baby girl turns 20 today.  I wonder where all the time went?  And how did I miss it?  And can I just stop time for a moment and relive it?  I'd even live through some of the bad again, just to experience the good.  Memories flood my heart of her as a sassy little girl, so bright, beautiful, mischievous.  I see a lot of me in her, a lot of the man I love in her.  She has managed to take the best of both and the worst of both and somehow make it all work, seamlessly.

She is a beautiful and talented young woman with such tremendous potential.  She is headstrong and stubborn; heartstrong and loving.  Her middle name is Joy; the perfect description of her...wrapped up in three letters.  She lives for God and she makes my heart proud.  She's one of the three greatest treasures in my hectic and chaotic life. 

It is sometimes overwhelming.  I am consumed with life, family, school, work, church, school...and school.  Stretching ones' mind often stretches ones' limits at the same time.  I'm there.  Stretched as far as possible without breaking.  But I find myself loving every minute of it.  I don't want to miss a single minute...drink it all in.  Just don't know how much one heart can hold.  How full can it get? 

I wonder if the heart, like the moon to the earth, grows closer to God the fuller it gets?  I think that must be so.  Times when my heart feels empty, small, and void... I know I am farthest away from Him.  Though He's there, He goes unnoticed and neglected.  But the times when it feels so full, to overflowing; those are the times I can't help but see Him, feel his overwhelming presence, his consuming love.  Breathtaking...and awe-inspiring.  And like the moon, He never fails to show up when I turn to Him.  He's always there...waiting  patiently for my eyes to fall on Him.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Measuring Time...and Tuxes

He was so little the first time I put him in a tuxedo.  White blond hair, dark summer tan, startling blue eyes, lopsided grin...five years old.  A speed demon he was.  Always running.  So silly.  Happy... always happy.  Lived for laughter, baseball, and mud.  My baby.  Mama's boy.  Fun, joy, happiness, aggravation, worry, and muddy boots, all rolled into one.  Couldn't wait to be five.  Five was THE magic number.  "Mama, when I'm five, I will be able to run like the wind!"  "Mama, I wanna be Superman when I'm five."  "Mama, do you think I will be taller than daddy when I'm five?" 
And... when he was five, he was the ring bearer in a wedding.  I took him to the store to be fitted for a tuxedo.  He was so excited. And he made a striking picture.  He thought he looked like prince charming...I thought he did too.  He had to wear it to church on Sunday.  A little boy in a man's garb.

Today... twelve years later...he's 6'3", much darker hair, same blue eyes and lopsided grin...seventeen years old.  He towers over everyone in the family...including his dad.  Lives for trucks, baseball, and mud.  Today...he was fitted for a tuxedo...for his first prom.  My baby, Mama's boy...and his girlfriend... met me at the store.  He wasn't quite as excited this time, even rolled his eyes a couple of times.  I know he will make a striking picture.  I know she thinks he will look like prince charming...I think he will too.  I wonder if he will wear it to church on Sunday?  This time he's a young man, in a man's garb... but he will forever be my little boy...